For 10 years I keep having this same dream over and over
again – the dream began the same each time
I felt a need for some night air. As I walk out our front
door, I notice that I am wearing a long white flowing gown, which gentle waves
in the evening breeze. I soon find myself standing beneath a tall tree, which
is planted just a few feet from the door. As I stand, there enjoying the night
air, I begin to hear music. At first I was confused because the music was not
coming from some neighbors house, or mine, it seem to be coming from all around
me. All of a sudden I realized what I was hearing were angels singing.
This music was so inspiring that I could not help but feel
over joyed, and as David did, I began to dance with Joy, lifting His Holy name
in praise. When I awoke I felt a sense of peace.
When the dreams started I was living in a world of chronic
pain. Battling a chronic illness, that seemed to be a mystery to medical
science. An illness that had been a part
of my life since I was a child, and had grown progressively worse as an adult.
Or more to the point and illness that was forever being diagnosed as being a
figment of my imagination. Born out of my need for constant attention I was not
getting at home.
Turning to the church for an answer, my desperation pulled
me into a religious conception, which caused me nothing but pain. I simple came
to believe, like so many other Christians that once I was prayer over, then I
most claim my healing. In my world, I had to keep my illness to myself. I was
not allowed to say that I was ill in any shape or form.
Then the dream came again.
I was dancing beneath the tree praising the lord, and without even
realizing it at first I felt my body rising upward, until I was dancing a few
feet above the ground. When I awoke I felt a sense of peace. I ask the Lord
what this dream meant, but I got no answer.
As my illness continued to plague my body, to the point that
I could barely walk up the church steps into the sanctuary. Or sit through a
service without feeling like crying. My desperation took me down another path
seeking healing. I came to believe that my illness was demonic in nature. As a
result, I began to seek out deliverance, from the demon I was certain had
invaded my body. Despite the fact that every one of the deliverance minister
that I sought out could find no evidence of demon possession. I still continued
to look for someone that could deliver me from my illness.
Then the dream came again.
I was dancing beneath the tree praising the lord, and without even
realizing it at first I felt my body rising upward, until I was dancing a few
yards above the ground. When I awoke I felt a sense of peace. I ask the Lord
what this dream meant, but I got no answer.
Then I found myself in the hospital, when my blood pressure
drop so low I had no strength to get off the bathroom floor. Forced by my own bodies refusal to be healed,
despite my lack of confession. I went through 9 months of test, with only a one
clue as to the cause coming forth. The evidence showed that my stomach was
taking up to 17 hours to digest a single meal. But still, medical science could
not put a name on the reason. And once more I was lost in world of pain with no
answers.
Then I was in a car accident. And I soon found myself
battling chronic pain that would spread up my legs and soon affected my arms
and neck. Of course there was no name for my pain.
Then the dream came again.
I was dancing beneath the tree praising the lord, and without even
realizing it at first I felt my body rising upward, until I was dancing a few
feet above the tree. When I awoke I felt a sense of peace. I ask the Lord what
this dream meant, but I got no answer.
During my struggle, with trying to find the answer with in
the church. I found myself dealing with the reality of other people’s
conception concerning illness. I lost count of the number of churches I was
forced to leave, once the truth of my illness came into the light of day. I
lost count of how many times I found myself spiritually abused accused falsely
of some atrocity. Like being a cauldron stirring
witch who was praying curse on the elders of the church, or being a Jezebel out
to destroy the leadership of the church, or even being a .
You would have thought after all I had been through with in
the church, I would have left the church would behind me. And after 40 years of
being an active part of the church system, I walk away. But I did not walk away
from my relationship with the Lord. But I had become so trodden down by my
physical illness and the lack of compassion as well as the condemnation I
experienced with in the church. That I locked myself up with in my home and
began to pray for death!
Then dream came again.
I was dancing beneath the tree praising the lord, and without even
realizing it at first I felt my body rising upward, until I was dancing so high
that I was above the clouds and could feel my very being touching the gates of
Heaven itself. When I awoke I felt a sense of peace. I ask the Lord what this
dream meant, and this time I got an answer.
“You will rise above your illness and pain!”
At first I did not understand what He meant. But over the last
15 years since I left the church world behind me, the understanding came, as I
have learn that there are things that I can do to make myself feel better. More to the point, as I have let the Lord
leading guide me; I am no longer in bondage to my illness. More important I do not live in a world of
fear of the unknown. Nor am I dragged down into dark pits of depression and
heart aches, because I can’t let go of past wrongs done to me.
I was finally diagnosed with Lupus- which resulted in my
developing crohns disease and Gastroparesis. I also have Fibromyalgia. I can
say that I do battle a chronic illness that will not go away, but praise the
Lord His grace is sufficient.
His words have come to pass. I have risen above my illness.
I “Rise above my illness” every morning
when I get stiffly out of bed and head for the kitchen for my morning
shake. I “Rise above my illness”, as I set and teach
my grandchildren. I “Rise above my illness”
Every time that I
reach out and touch another person’s life, planting seeds of HOPE. I “Rise above my illness” every time I praise His name.
The victory is mine, when the battle is the Lord.
(Note -A little note about the tree.. When I started having
the dream this tree did not exits, today it stand tall just were I saw it in my
dreams. In fact, we did not even live on the propriety we have called home for
over 20 years. A reminder to me of God promise)